Words of Wisdom from the Not-So-Wise

[J. T./Jessica]

"If you annoy us, we shall unleash more WAFF than you can possibly imagine." -- J.T. Magnus, 2007.

[Enigma!]

"You can't f*ck with the lady that's sleepin' in each cowboy's head."

~ Willy Nelson, "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other."

[J. T./Jessica]

"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

[J. T./Jessica]

Some of today's Humorscopes;

CANCER:
"You will find a strangely heavy small gold ring today, embedded in the center of an obviously volcanic rock. There is some writing, in a script unlike any you've ever seen, running around the ring, although you can't really see it unless you heat it up in a fire..."

LEO
"A door-to-door arms dealer will stop by today. Although you won't be entirely sure how you let yourself get talked into it, you'll soon be the first on the block to own a rocket launcher. "

LIBRA
"You will become unwittingly embroiled in a turf war between rival Chinese restaurants, today, as you step off the sidewalk to avoid a person wearing an extremely large hat. Before the day is over, you'll find yourself angrily hurling potstickers at people you've never met."

[J. T./Jessica]

"Four basic premises of writing: clarity, brevity, simplicity, and humanity." -- Fortune Cookie.

[J. T./Jessica]

(Humorscopes)

SCORPIO:
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
(My first thought? "Duncan's trying to spy on me?")

AQUARIUS:
Today you will discover that you are capable of "channelling", when you start spouting ancient Sumerian curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic. You will start taking notes in cuneiform.

[J. T./Jessica]

"Never underestimate the scariness of a parent."

[J. T./Jessica]

SCORPIO:
Time for a career change. Have you considered the exciting and lucrative career of "despot"? One of the nice perks about that is that you can wear a rediculous hat without people laughing at you.

CAPRICORN:
Good day to act sneaky. Try glancing sidelong at people, or standing just out of sight.

AQUARIUS:
What you mostly need at this point in your life, is a retinue. Either that, or an entourage. The best way to get started is with a simple classified ad - look for "followers, hangers-on, sycophants, or toadies."

[BloodAngel]

"When you're convinced you don't have a future, the past becomes all you have." -- Kurama

[J. T./Jessica]

If Food Network wants you to star in a special about your cooking specialty - you're probably about to be challenged to a Throwdown by Bobby Flay.

[J. T./Jessica]

"Year four is the point in the novel when you're just past the halfway mark; you know the reader thinks he or she has got the story sussed out. The reader knows all your tricks by now, or thinks he/she does. You've been pulling doves out of your hat for 243 pages.

Now you'd damned well better be able to pull out an alligator." -- JMS, discussing the final episode of B5 season three, Re: season four.

[J. T./Jessica]

""Dust to Dust" is what I call one of my "pretty box" episodes. I set down the pretty box in front of you, and you think you know what it is. Then something else entirely jumps out of it at your face. There's more coming here and there. I like pretty boxes...." -- JMS, on the B5 episode "Dust to Dust".

(I like 'pretty boxes' too...)

[J. T./Jessica]

"I hate nice guys." -- J.T. Magnus, 2007

[J. T./Jessica]

That which does not kill you was simply not permitted to do so for the purposes of the plot. -- Anon.

[J. T./Jessica]

"I gave peace a chance... It failed. Now my only goal... is victory." -- J.T. Magnus, 2007