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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 1, 2011 0:00:31 GMT -5
A thousand poxes on the one who invented 'mobile' versions of websites!
Even the one involving the scorpions?
ESPECIALLY the one involving the scorpions! All I want to do is to be able to watch penguins on my laptop, not get redirected to some bullshit rip-off site that won't let me just become some idiot server can't tell that my laptop isn't a damn mobile.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 1, 2011 8:27:10 GMT -5
Some people have very linear thought processes... mine are more like something out of 'Family Circle'.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 9, 2011 15:33:20 GMT -5
"Two boxes Macaroni, can of corn," takes drink of his Dew, "Brain the size of a planet and they wanted me to be a car-park attendant."
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 10, 2011 22:16:23 GMT -5
Anyone else remember "Ghostwriter"?
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 11, 2011 7:09:38 GMT -5
Chuck Norris exists on the Periodic Table of the Elements in a section by himself since the rest of the elements are afraid to come near him.
Chuck Norris tried a mullet, hated it and declared that henceforth no one would ever look good with a mullet again.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 12, 2011 1:10:13 GMT -5
Much Alternate History is based around the concept of the Minimum Necessary Change for the Maximum Desired Result. I'm thinking of this because some of the same reasons I support Harry/Hermione as a pairing are also the same reasons I'm not fond of Danny/Sam as a pairing.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 12, 2011 11:51:16 GMT -5
Discussing the concert for "Rock and Roll Heaven"...
"How do you know they haven't already had that show?"
"Because I'm gonna be so pissed if I die, get to heaven and find out I missed it."
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 13, 2011 1:38:45 GMT -5
Phrases to Use at Work or School
1. How about never? Is never good for you?
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. No, my powers can only be used for good.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 16, 2011 0:46:34 GMT -5
Database Journal;
Despite my... overuse of profanity, I don't always enjoy reading it. It can be annoying when every third or fourth word of a story is a curse. But I understand that's just how some people are. I'm sure there are those who feel the same way about my background digressions and tendancy to purple prose in my own works.
That said, I'll never understand why people seem to think threats and insults will do anything to make an author write faster or better. People who think that threatening an author will make updates come faster are probably the same type of people who seem to think that pounding on the facility door will make someone finish their business faster. It don't work that way, people.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on Apr 28, 2011 21:54:11 GMT -5
"Whether or not you object to the role played by chance, she rolls her own dice."
...Yeah, and they're usually loaded.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on May 2, 2011 6:51:37 GMT -5
Had an idea last night of a Groundhog Day/'Parallels' cross, each repeat of the day being a different timestream.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on May 3, 2011 16:10:55 GMT -5
Sazh's Procyons with an Energy Sash give the 'Instant Chain' passive ability.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on May 8, 2011 18:27:36 GMT -5
"I think we need to retest people for their driver's license, too many people seem to forget how to drive after they pass the road test. Like turning. People keep turning so sharp that they cut into other lanes, that's where a lot of accidents happen, because people turn too close. I'm in a parking lot the other day and I pull up to the intersection and stop, look around like I'm supposed to and to my right waiting to turn into the aisle I'm coming out of is this big 'Sucks Up Value' and because I've pulled up all the way and it doesn't have any room to cut through my lane, the driver is looking at me in confusion, like a dog with a new hydrant; 'I don't know what this thing is, but I'm gonna piss on it anyway'."
---
"Mothers' Day, my mom didn't want to cook. Okay, no problem. I've got the money to go get something, so I offer to pick her up something from the nearby Oriental place she likes. I've seen this happen before, but it really didn't hit me until right then; I'm placing the order and the cashier is like 'okay, Sweet and Sour Chicken with fried rice and vegetable roll' in a cliche accent.
No, Vegetable rice and pork egg roll.
'Two extra vegetable roll,' still the bad accent.
No, two extra pork egg rolls.
Then they turn around to the cooks, 'We've got a sweet and sour chicken with vegetable rice and three egg rolls.' Perfect English. And I realise I've seen this happen before, Oriental, Mexican, all kinds of ethnic places it's like 'Look who here, look who here' to the customer and they turn around and it's 'Hey, Joe, guess who just walked in'. I hate to break it to people, but if you want to break the misconception of the dumb asian or dumb hispanic or dumb hillbilly or whatever, maybe you should start by not talking like it. Just because you work in an Asian place or a Mexican place or a country-style place doesn't mean you have to act like you're an idiot, it's insulting to those of us that would eat there that you think you have to dumb yourselves and your place of business down for us."
---
"You've got a very small window to enjoy it, y'know? First it's parents and roommates or housemates, then later on it's kids."
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Post by J. T./Jessica on May 13, 2011 12:57:43 GMT -5
Oh. My. God...
Mother had a doctor's appointment today, right? Well, she's telling me about it and she tells me that one of the doctors is berating the nurses because he has to wait to see his patients since he has no nurse... the reason? The nurses are busy with a patient in a hyperbaric chamber and can't leave that room and he refuses to see patients there.
Yeah, this guy is up himself... and has beady eyes and no lips... face like a ferret... and the real kicker is his last name is Burns.
I kiddeth thee nicht.
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Post by J. T./Jessica on May 15, 2011 19:51:14 GMT -5
I don't remember which episode, but at one point in M*A*S*H, Margaret makes a comment about keeping a diary when she was younger, does anyone remember how she addressed it? I keep wanting to think it was 'Darlene Dearest' or something like that, but I'm not sure...
Had an idea for getting back into writing 'Maggie-Beth', though it might take a bit to actually reach that point; "(dear diary), I think I've made a terrible mistake... I got married."
(Penobscot, in other words.)
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