The Case Against Santa Claus

[Enigma!]

Santa's evil! You know it, and I know it!

Duncan, we've been over this before. Just because he doesn't deliver any presents to you doesn't mean he's a Nazi.

It's not just that, anymore, Poppa. Think about it. All of the evidence neccissary to put him away is in the songs!


Songs.

Yeah! "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake;" he's a voyeur! He likes peeping on little kids! Child pornography! Invasion of privacy!

Duncan...

"Santa don't come to the ghetto." He completely ignores poor black children; not just Jews! He lands on people's roofs and slides down their chimneys! That's breaking and entering! He has an entire factory in one of the coldest places on earth, where he elsaves elves, puts them in tights and pointy shoes, and makes them produce toys he doesn't have the permission to make! Santa must be put in jail! Killed with Osama bin Laden!

Okay. You have a few good points. But who's gonna deliver toys to the children if Santa's dead.

I've thought about that. Santa's replacement must be as kind and friendly as every has been hypnotised to believe that fat bastard is. Someone that everyone can insantly recognise, without the stigma of rewarding kids that further the anti-semetic, whit power endoctrination Santa's been secretly putting in children's heads for years.

Only one man is good enough for the job.

Who?

It's-a me, Mario!

............ I should have guessed.

Wii's for everybody!

[J. T./Jessica]

Finally! Someone agrees with me about the evil North Pole Dictator!

Think about this one, Duncan: He's bribing children to do whatever he defines as 'good', correct? What if what he defines as 'good' one year happens to be aiding him in his quest to add the rest of the world to his empire.

[JP Gibb]

Yeah, I've known that for years...

[Enigma!]

turbomagnus said:

Finally! Someone agrees with me about the evil North Pole Dictator!

Think about this one, Duncan: He's bribing children to do whatever he defines as 'good', correct? What if what he defines as 'good' one year happens to be aiding him in his quest to add the rest of the world to his empire.

Duh.

The proof of that is here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN9rRNk7WRE

[J. T./Jessica]

...(Unfortunately, unable to watch Youtube and things from here...)

Now all we need to do is convince Amanda of this. She still thinks I'm being crazier than usual when I talk about the North Pole Dictator...

[J. T./Jessica]

What are you going to do this year, Brain?

The same thing we do every year, Pinky... Try to CAPTURE SANTA!

[J. T./Jessica]

A new piece of evidence that was just pointed out to me -

What's another name for Santa Claus? Saint Nick, or Saint Nicholas, or even "Old Saint Nick"...

What's another name for the Devil? Old Nick.

Drop the "Saint" from Santa's and who do you get? Coincidence? I think not. Plus, they're both associated with the color red.

[BloodAngel]

Okay, that does it.

STOP IT NOW!

I'm sick of hearing this shit, understood?! Santa Claus is based off a pagan symbol of winter known as the Holly King!

I WILL NOT HAVE SANTA COMPARED TO THAT CREATURE OF CHRISTIAN MYTHOLOGY, AM I UNDERSTOOD?! AND SANTA IS A FORM OF THE WORD SAINT, SO IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY!

NOW SHUT YOUR F*CKING TRAPS! ALL OF YOU! DUNCAN, J.T., AND YES, EVEN DANIEL! IT'S AS F*CKING ANNOYING AS HEARING THAT STUPID "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" THING THAT THE 4CHANERS CAME UP WITH!

AND NO, I'M NOT PMSING!

*Goes off to write Heero into a lemon scene with Relena because she is that angry*