Fanfiction Excerpts

[J. T./Jessica]

Just then, Anna crawled up to Margaret. Frank, noticing how much the child looked like Margaret, said with a gulp "Is that your daughter?"

Margaret smiled, willing herself not to look at Hawkeye who would most certainly make her burst out in laughter. "Yes, it is. This is Anna."

"Hello there, angel." Said Frank, then looked at Margaret again and said hesitantly, "Where's her daddy?"

Margaret put the little girl on the floor and said, "Anna, go find Daddy."

To Frank's shock and horror, the child crawled quickly to Hawkeye.

"Hey, baby girl. Boy, you can sure crawl fast" said Hawkeye, picking up the girl.

"HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE!" exclaimed Frank.

"Something wrong, Frank?" asked Hawkeye innocently, still holding Anna.

"YES! THERE IS!"

"What is it, Frank?" asked Margaret.

Frank swung to face Margaret.

"You have a child with this degenerate?!?" he said, pointing a finger at Hawkeye.

"I didn't think it was a such a fuss to have children with your husband. Children, Frank, as it more than one." said Margaret.

Frank had gone white. "Husband?" he said, almost a whisper

"That's right, Frank. Margaret and I got married about a year after the war." Put in Hawkeye.

Frank now turned to face Hawkeye. "Married?"

Hawkeye nodded.

"More than one child?"

Hawkeye nodded again and pointed to where Danny was playing with the other children on the floor. "Danny's ours as well."

Frank watched Danny for a few moments in shock, and then looked at Hawkeye with a look of anger.

"What have you done to her?"

"Done to her?" repeated Hawkeye.

"Yes, what have you done to poor Margaret? Get her pregnant to trap her with you?"

"Get her.." Hawkeye started, and then he threw his head back and laughed. "Not a bad idea, Frank but I have to disappoint you. We were married when she got pregnant with Danny."

"Then undo whatever you did to make her stay with you!"

"What are you implying that I did, Frank?" asked Hawkeye, chuckling. "Hypnotize her?"

"Maybe!"

"Frank, use what little mind you have! You can't hypnotize someone to do that, and even if you could, I wouldn't know how." Hawkeye was having a hard time not outright laughing at the absurd ideas coming out of Frank.

Frank turned to look at Margaret. "I'll save you, Margaret. You can't really want to be with him!"

Margaret rolled her eyes. 'Frank, I don't need or want saving. I'm here completely because I want to be. And I happen to love Hawkeye."

Frank stared at her for a moment in shock. Then a look of deadly calm came over his face, and he extended his hand to Margaret. "Well, then, congratulations. I'm happy for you."

Margaret's surprise was reflected in her face, then concern replaced it when she realized that this was the same way he had reacted to her marriage to Donald. He had gone crazy because of it. She hoped this would turn out better.

"Thank you, Frank." She said, with a small smile.

Frank nodded, then turned to Hawkeye. "Same for you."

"Thank you Frank." Said Hawkeye, now slightly concerned because he, too, had recognized the behavior.

Frank nodded, then said "I'm going to get a breath of fresh air. Excuse me."

Frank walked out through the front door, then everybody inside the house heard a screech of, "THAT IMMORAL, DISGUSTING SLIME BALL!"

[J. T./Jessica]

Since I didn't say it before, this is just to post parts from fanfics we're READING (in other words, not our own) that we want others to see.

[BloodAngel]

(Busts out laughing) Where the Hell is this?! I've got to read the whole thing!

(Rereads it) Oh, God! I can hear them! I swear! It's like it's straight out of the show! Tell me, damnit!

[J. T./Jessica]

You'll have to give me a bit, it was on FF.net.

[J. T./Jessica]

www.fanfiction.net/u/621784/

It's "MASH 5 year Reunion", down near the bottom... it's incomplete though...

I recommend "M*A*S*H 4077th Ten Year Reunion: 'Expect The Unexpected'" by Beth Mott, it's even better and it's complete:
www.bestcareanywhere.net/stories/unexpected1.htm

[J. T./Jessica]

Hawkeye settled in between Erin and Mildred Potter. Giving Mildred his best look, he said, "I don't know if I mentioned this, but that picture on Sherman's desk did not do you justice."

She smiled but her look was a bit stern. "I'm wise to your ways, young man. I spent all that time reading about you in my Sherm's letters."

Hawkeye stuck out his tongue at Potter, making Erin and Elaine laugh.

"Don't you dare do that," Margaret said to Elaine, just as the girl seemed about to mimic him.

"Party-pooper," she muttered.

"Now who could she have learned that from?" B.J. asked, grinning at Hawkeye.

"I plead the fifth. Or the five-year-old. Whichever."

His father looked over at him. "Forgot to tell you son. I called home to get the latest dirt. Turns out Manelli washed out as chief of surgery. So they'll be picking a new one. And guess who the front runner is?"

"About damn time they recognized genius." Hawkeye winked at Margaret, who was beaming at him, pride showing. "And I'll be happy to take it." He looked at Elaine, who was busily pushing bits of stuffing under her mashed potatoes. "As long as it doesn't take me away from my family."

He realized he'd said it without even having to think about it.

It felt damned good.

("Legacy of War", by Djinn1, www.fanfiction.net/s/2477288/1/ )

[J. T./Jessica]

“O.K Andrew,” Kinch said with mock seriousness “What came first – the chicken or the egg?”

Carters face took on a puzzled glazed look. Kinch was certain that if he looked into them hard enough he would see wheels turning inside Carters head as he tried to digest this.

“Oh boy! Kinch I give up! What came first?” Carter gazed at the radioman so trustingly that Kinch wished he could make up an answer rather than deny the virtuousness of the boy.

“One of life’s great mysteries Carter” he chuckled. “Without the chicken, who laid the egg? Without the egg, where did the chicken come from?”

LeBeau put away the saucepan he was cleaning, sat down at the table reached for the deck of cards and started shuffling. Glancing at the glazed expression on Carters face he snorted as he dealt them out, “Next he’ll be asking where babies come from.”

“The Stork” Carter murmured still stumped on the chicken/egg thing.

Newkirk glanced at his cards then looked at Kinch with the same expression Carter had moments before and asked innocently “Yeah, but who knocked up the stork?”

“Newkirk!” Colonel Hogan said as he came striding into the room. “At least attempt to climb out of the gutter, huh?”

Newkirk blushed sheepishly, “Sorry Colonel.”


("Innocence Lost" by Pockets - A Hogan's Heroes fanfic)

[J. T./Jessica]

Klinger had crossed a line. It took a lot to get Father Mulcahy angry, but somehow he had managed.

"Corporal---get out of that priest's uniform. Right now."

"But Father---I'm just gonna go out and minister to the poor. The poor in Toledo. C'mon, nobody's gonna wanna stop a Padre. Its my perfect way out. Now step aside--my parish at Packo's Hot Dogs is waiting."

Klinger made it into the jeep, and turned it over. But Mulcahy calmly-albeit with a stone look on his face--opened the vehicle's hood and tore out a handful of wires. The jeep stopped dead, and the Padre disgustedly threw the wires at Klinger's feet.

"YOU--SHALL--NOT-PASSSS!!!!!"


(Tolkien Gestures, Rob Morris.)

[BloodAngel]

I've read that one! (Laughs) I love it! The muses hate it.

[J. T./Jessica]

How could they hate THIS?

**==

Frank grabbed it up before it could fall from Margaret's shelf.

"Honeybun, be careful! I only have the one ring."

An angry Margaret stuffed his wedding ring back into his hand, and bid him leave.

"Frank, how many times have I asked you to either not wear the ring, or at least to keep it hidden? It reminds me of things best not contemplated--like ending our relationship. Now I want it and you to just disappear!"

Knocking outside her door seconds later, Frank did what he did best.

"Margaret--let me back in. Please, Margaret. Please, my precious girl. My precious, precious girl. Open up, precious. Pre---eee--cious?"

In a shock to nobody but Frank Burns, standing within earshot were Pierce and McIntyre. Trapper chuckled.

"Frank? You didn't tell us Hot Lips was precious."

Hawkeye nodded.

"Yeah. So what's her listing on the commodities exchange?"

Burns sneered and pointed.

"I hate you two. I HATE YOU Forever!!"

As he stalked off, Trapper smiled.

"Frank hates us forever. And here I thought that this would be a bad day."

Hawkeye heard the Swamp door slam, and contemplated.

"You think if we returned Frank to the hospital in Indiana where his mother gave birth, we could get a refund?"

"Frank wasn't born in a hospital. They forged him in a volcano. That's why he's always making an ash of himself."

This time, Hawkeye walked away.

(Again, Tolkien Gestures)

[J. T./Jessica]

"Well, what do I do with it now?" Newkirk was asking impatiently, obviously exasperated, and, Hogan thought, a little bit panicked.

"What's going on?" Hogan asked, approaching the trio.

"Carter is teaching Newkirk how to assemble a bomb," Le Beau explained. "But he is having some trouble explaining it."

"What am I supposed to do now?" Newkirk sputtered. "I can't let it go!"

"Well, I told you not to let the wires touch!" Carter defended himself.

"What you actually said, Carter my mate, was 'Now push all that together—excellent work, Newkirk—oh, but first I should have told you to make sure those two wires aren't touching!'" Newkirk declared.

"All right, all right," Hogan said, trying to make peace. "Carter, what can he do now? What happens when the wires touch?"

"Gee, Colonel, it primes the bomb," Carter answered.

"So it's live? Now?" Hogan asked, quickly growing alarmed.

"Well, sure," Carter answered. "If Newkirk puts it down, it'll go off in ten seconds."

"Swell!" Hogan said. "Carter, I don't happen to have any target in mind at the moment. Do you expect Newkirk to stand here holding this for the next two days while we get our information from the Underground?"

"Oh, no, sir, Colonel," Carter answered. "All I have to do is this—" Carter very gently reached over to Newkirk's quivering hands and pulled the wires apart. "There."

Everyone suddenly breathed out. Still cautious, Hogan said, "And that's it?"

"Colonel?"

"That diffuses the bomb? It's safe for Newkirk to put down now?"

Carter relaxed and grinned. "Oh that—yeah, sure it is. It's okay now. All I had to do was separate the wires. I like to keep my creations simple."

Newkirk breathed a heavy sigh of relief and promptly dumped the contraption back in Carter's hands. "Why didn't you tell me that before?" he demanded.

"Well, no one asked," Carter answered. "I was just saying it was primed; I didn't say it couldn't be diffused again."

Hogan raised his eyes and, shaking his head, turned to go back up into the barracks. Lucky for him he's a genius at this stuff… otherwise, I'd have to kill him.

(Be It Ever So Humble, LJ Groundwater)

[J. T./Jessica]

“All of you would do well to hear this. Yes even you Mr. Decepticon-who-is-down-on-the-floor.”
“Huh? What?” Thundercracker looked very confused.
“Listen up. Now I am usually a very tolerant robot. I do not explode in a tirade very often, so when I do, I have good reason.” Shockwave’s voice started out calm, but that quickly changed.
“Now whether it’s practicing your new fighting techniques Megatron, your exploding science experiments Starscream, or your pet projects scratching on the door Soundwave, and whatever loud noises you make!” Shockwave shouted, pointing at Thundercracker, who still looked very dazed and confused. “I tell you now that if you wake me up, if I do not get enough recharge time! I SWEAR! I WILL GO INSANE! AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!”
Silence.
“Agreed?”
All nodded.
“Good. So how was your evening?” Shockwave’s voice immediately returned to it’s normal calm.

(When We Were Young, Vega Sailor)

[J. T./Jessica]

“I am very excited about going to the beach tomorrow. I am glad Cyborg thought of it, it is sure to be a great deal of fun,” Starfire mentioned, attempting to spark a conversation.

“Yeah, it will. It’s nice to know that Cyborg is useful for something other than eating more than the rest of us combined.”

“Yes, that is true,” Starfire added, giggling lightly to herself.

A slight blush rose in Robin’s face as he watched Starfire out of the corner of his mask. ‘Damn she’s cute when she laughs like that. I’ll have to say funny stuff more often.’ Suddenly, when he realized what he was thinking, he was jerked back to reality. ‘Whoa, what was that? I guess the heat’s just making me think strangely.’ he rationalized. But, little did he know that it wasn’t quite hot enough to make one delusional, but then again, Robin’s no medical expert.

Once all of the dishes had been washed, the two of them looked at each other and smiled happily.

“Thanks Star,” Robin began, “The work really went quicker with you helping.”

“It was no trouble Robin, I am just glad that I could help you.”

In response to Starfire’s reply, Robin gave her another of his all- American smiles, and it caused her to go weak in the knees. ‘Wow, he looks so handsome when he smiles like that. I’ll have to remember to do more nice things for him.’ Once the effects of Robin’s smile had worn off, Starfire visibly winced. ‘Wait, did I really think that? I must be tired to be thinking such things.’ But, it wasn’t the exhaustion that was causing her train of thought, little to her knowledge.

“Well, I think I’m going to call it a night Star, I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight,” with that farewell, Robin stepped in the direction of his room with every intention of attempting to get some rest and remove the Tameranian beauty from his mind for a while, so that he could get said rest. But, as this cliché demands, he just so happened to step in a well placed puddle with the necessary force and angle of application to slip and fall directly atop Starfire, causing her to be pinned beneath his weight.


(Heatwave)

[J. T./Jessica]

Heh, man I just realized I’m going on a suicide mission for people I love and care about… I know… hehehe… what’s more ‘human’ than that right? So, I guess under all this metal Vic Stone is still running strong… well what do ya know? There might be more ‘human’ in me than I thought. And it’s all thanks to my friends and of course ‘her’. Thanks guys. I’m not going to let you down!

Alright guys hold on tight. Cause Cyborg’s on the way to save the day!

Man too bad I can’t fly. Wouldn’t it be totally cool if I just took off like Superman or something? Oh well, the T-car will definitely do.

I open my wrist and I press a few buttons. Remote control car capabilities is a must have ya’ll.

In a few minutes my ‘baby’ arrives in all its beauty! I stare it down.

“Alright ‘baby’. You know how we do it! Let’s go get our friends back…”

I swear to God I think my ‘baby’ nodded back at me. Hehe… Oh well it’s time to put up or shut up and ya’ll know how I hate to be quiet. Oh yeah…

(Of Flesh and Steel: A Cyborg Forever Jinxed)

[J. T./Jessica]

Meanwhile, Starfire was trying to revive Robin.

After a lot of pulling, she had finally dragged the protesting leader to her room. She had not been able to get him up off of the floor.

And so, she sat down next to him. He rocked back and forth, humming to himself.

“Robin,” Starfire said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder, “you must revive. . . The things Raven mentioned. . . they were just stories! They are not true.”

Robin looked up at her, his eyes shining like a small child’s. But they soon looked scared and glassy again. “But. . . Slade. . . me. . . together. . . AAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“It couldn’t possibly happen!”

“. . . It could, and you know it, and it scares the heck outta me! I DON’T WANT TO BE THE SEX TOY OF A PSYCHO!” he yelled.

“Sex toy of a psycho? Is it the ‘toy’ part that is undesirable, or the ‘psycho’ part?”

Robin began to look very embarrassed. “. . . The psycho part.”

Starfire decided not to respond to this.

“. . . I fear that I do not know much about earth culture, but. . . I think that I should not repeat what we have just said?”

Robin nodded. “Yes. Please don’t, Star. . .”

Starfire smiled. “Do not worry, Friend Robin,” she said happily. “I will make sure that you are never Slade’s toy of sex! I am going to keep you instead.”

Robin’s eyes went wider than before.

(A cute Rob/Star scene from Broekn (sic), by Roxeant)