Fanfiction Excerpts

[J. T./Jessica]

Tim looked at Harry, stood up and hugged the young man. “This is a major responsibility. We now know that the fate of the world depends on you. But we will not let you lose the rest of your childhood. Every summer and winter that you’re here you will be a kid. A regular kid, with a regular family and girlfriend. By the way, I never told you I completely approve of your relationship. However, you can also expect to have a regular father invading your privacy and giving threats every chance he gets because you are dating his only daughter.”

“And like I stated while I was speaking with fatty…I meant Vernon. NO funny business will happen under this roof.”

Rachael smirked at Harry with a look that said ‘yeah that message was for you that day. I knew you two will be together soon’

Harry look at Hermione hoping she would say something…anything.

She smiled at Harry and said “I told you they would be okay with us being together” Harry smiled as she walked up to him and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

“OH GOD NOOOOO!” Harry and Hermione snapped their head to her dad. He had his hands covering his eyes. He was rocking back and forth saying “it’s too soon. It’s too soon. I shouldn’t be seeing this. I shouldn’t be seeing this.”

Her mother shook her head at her husband’s antics. “Maybe you shouldn’t kiss in front of him until you’re married” This made the two blush bright red at the thought of being married.

She walked over and grabbed Tim’s arm and led him upstairs while he kept mumbling “It’s too soon. It’s too soon. I shouldn’t be seeing this. I shouldn’t be seeing this.”

"Harry Potter: Rewritten", Jussgee.

[J. T./Jessica]

Ino kissed him and slipped under his blanket. Naruto realized she was wearing just a sleep shirt and panties.

Hinata kissed him then also slipped under his blankets. She was wearing pajama’s, but still both girls in his tent, under his blanket…

Thank Kami and every celestial deity Logan isn’t here. He thought, then cursed as the tent flap was ripped back showing an irked looking X-23 and an armed Marrow.

I take it back. Celestial beings suck lemon drops and perv after boys with messy black hair and glasses and do things for the “greater good”. Naruto hissed as X-23 grabbed Ino by the ankle and dragged her from the tent and Marrow did the same to Hinata, getting a yelp from both female Genin, and a groan from Naruto who just knew he was going to get blamed for his somehow.

"Naruto, Prince of Thieves", mbehrns2002

(I laughed so hard I ended up in the floor...)

[J. T./Jessica]

Once inside the tunnel, Harry lit his wand, sitting down on the dusty floor. “I think proper introductions are in order. I’m Harry Potter, and my beautiful, charming companion here is Miss Hermione Granger.” He gestured at Hermione, who blushed prettily.

“I’m Fred.” One of the twins said.

“I’m George.” The other added.

“We’re the Weasley twins.” They completed together.

“I know.” Harry said, laughing. Even after all these years, any conversation with the twins was funny. He held up the parchment. “I must admit, gentlemen, I’m curious as to how you got hold of this.”

“Nicked it.” Fred said, casually. “How do you know what it is?”

Harry placed the parchment on the floor, tapping it with his wand. “I solemnly swear I’m up to no good.”

“How’d you know the password?” George asked.

Harry just smiled, and pointed at the parchment, where the opening words were filling in.

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, purveyors of magical mischief, welcome you to the Marauder’s Map.

Harry kept his wand on the parchment. “Good day, gentlemen.”

The other three live people watched as the wording on the parchment started to change. George glanced at Fred. It had never done this for them.

Mr. Padfoot would like to ask if we have a new user.

Mr. Moony confirms Mr. Padfoot’s question, and would like to know your name.

Harry just smiled. “I am sometimes known as ‘Pronglet’.”

Mr. Prongs would like to ask if you are related to any of the Marauders.

Mr. Wormtail concurs with Mr. Prongs’ question, and would like to know your name.

“I am the son of Prongs.” Harry said, glancing up at the two Weasleys, who’s mouths had opened in shock.

Mr. Prongs would like to welcome his noble off-spring to the Marauder’s Map.

Mr. Padfoot would also like to welcome the newest Marauder, and ask how the devil Mr. Prongs managed to reproduce.

Harry chuckled. “Well, once upon a time, my mummy and daddy were in love, and one quiet evening...”

Mr. Moony requests that you do not reveal the gory details of Mr. Prongs’ love-life.

Mr. Padfoot would like to know when Mr. Prongs got a love-life.

Mr. Wormtail confirms his disbelief, and concurs with Mr. Moony to not poison us with the details.

Mr. Prongs would like to ask Mr. Padfoot, Mr. Moony and Mr. Wormtail to sod off while he talks with his son.

Harry chuckled at the in-built insults, before looking up at the Weasleys. “Does that answer your questions, Fred, George?”

“You’re the son of a Marauder.” George started.

“The son of Prongs.” Fred finished.

“Wicked.” The two gasped together.

Harry Potter and the Quantum Leap, Seel'vor.

[J. T./Jessica]

Harry turned to the Grangers “I think we owe you an explanation but please understand this is all new to us as well” Dan gave Harry a look that said ‘continue and this better be good’ so he did “when we finished classes today I asked Hermione to be my date for the ball and my girlfriend, she said yes, we kissed and now we’re married”

Dan waited but when Harry didn’t say any more he exploded “you ran away from school, dragged us out our office to the other side of London then give us this bullshit! Are you serious?”

A giggling Hermione got up and perched on Harry’s lap before saying “no dad, that’s his godfather you’ll meet him later” the sight of their bookish daughter giggling was such a shock that neither of the parents commented on her new seating arrangement.

A Kiss Can Save The World, robst

[BloodAngel]

Think you can put up an except that doesn't involve Harry Potter? Series died with book five, enough already.

[J. T./Jessica]

*Shrugs*

It's just what I happen to be reading at the moment... Harry/Hermione fanfics...

Actually, the other day I reached a simple conslusion; Harry/Ginny (I.E. Rawlings' post-book four Crackfest canon) equals me and That Bitch, Harry/Hermione (Best friends, willing to back each other even against friends and parental figures, innate trust between them, etc.) equals Jessica and I...

[J. T./Jessica]

"Fine, but while you're waiting you can help around the shop."

"Sure, but I don't know much about flowers," Naruto said.

"That's okay," Inoichi said, smiling. "You can help pack in the fertilizer."

Naruto paused for a moment, blinking. He hadn't expected to be drafted into manual labor in a flower shop. He grumbled, "Shit."

"Yeah, but it sells better when I call it 'fertilizer,'" Inoichi said as he walked towards the back of the store. Naruto's eyes narrowed as Inoichi tossed him a pastel purple apron. "You'll probably want to wear that."

"Kiss and Yell", Doc Destructo.

[J. T./Jessica]

Asuma asked "What the hell is going on."

Kakashi sighed and said "Thats it, we are returning to Konoha. This mission is one big fuck up after another and with all the coincidences happening I feel like I fell into a parrallel dimension. Next thing you know Arashi sensie will appear and tell me I am a fuck up."

A figure who was watching everything thought this was to good of an oppertunity to pass up and began making handsigns and everyone in the group tensed as a figure appeared and said "Kakashi no baka, you are a fuckup." and another figure appeared and consumed the first one and the second one said "Those pesky souls, always better the second time. hahahaha." and he faded away leaving a passed out Kakashi and a scared group of gennins and one confused joinin.

Kyuubi's What?, Maverick9871

[J. T./Jessica]

Bruce took a slim, leather bound volume off the bookshelf and let it fall open automatically to an often-read page.

“To gain the friendship of a cat is a difficult thing. The cat is a philosophical, methodical, quiet animal, tenacious of its own habits, and it does not lightly confer its friendship. If you are worthy of its affection, a cat will be your friend, but never your slave. He keeps his free will, though he loves, and he will not do for you what he thinks is unreasonable. But if he once gives himself to you it is with absolute confidence and affection!” -Theophile Gautier, 1850.

He closed the book and returned it to the shelf.

Technically, the Egyptian Sekhmet was stolen property in that Catwoman had broken into the museum, disabled their security, and left with it in her possession although it didn’t belong to her…

…although technically, it didn’t belong to the museum either. It was on loan. It was on permanent loan from a private collector, facilitated by the Wayne Foundation. He owned it. And now it was back in his house.

So it was stolen, and yet, in a way, it wasn’t. He couldn’t say that was feline logic either, since Selina didn’t know. If she hadn’t noted the inscription on the sapphire cat, he reasoned, she certainly wouldn’t pay attention to the “on loan from…” plaque. Even if she had, it was so long ago it’s unlikely she’d remember.

So it wasn’t feline logic. It was, like she said, a compromise.

"Women Lacking Complexity", by Chris Dee

[J. T./Jessica]

“How could I forget?” Kenji exclaimed “The long ponytail sitting on the top of you’re head?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, remembering the horrible hairstyle, that at one stage, had been deemed cool “What was it that you called me again?”

“Spaghetti head.” he replied almost instantly “Teasing you always was quite enjoyable” his smile broadened at the memory of the two of them squabbling. Ikuko, nudged Kenji in the ribs

“Hey, I don’t think you realize how much it hurt when you called me spaghetti head. Although I wasn’t willing to admit it at the time, I wanted you to like me so much. I knew you were something special right from the very first day I saw you” Ikuko leaned her head back against his shoulder. Kenji tugged playfully at a lose strand of brown hair, whilst reciting his former famous insult

“Hey spaghetti head, fail any tests today?” he asked mockingly

“No actually...” Ikuko managed to reply before two loud individuals arguing in front of the large windows of the diner interrupted her. The first figure was a tall, black haired man in a green sweater. The other figure they identified to be their daughter, Usagi

“Hey meatball head” called the black haired man from behind “Fail any tests today?”

Usagi huffed angrily before speaking

“No actually... the test is next Thursday” she yelled, before storming out of sight. The tall man merely chuckled before following on behind.

Both Kenji and Ikuko stared at the window, mouths hanging open.

…Déjà vu…

Usagi and Mamoru: A Love Like No Other

[J. T./Jessica]

"That bad?" Mace asked, raising an eyebrow, and it was Obi-Wan's turn to sigh.

"Yes. Quite possibly worse. I will let you know if anyone loses any fingers." And with that, the Knight was off again, down the hall and around the corner after his wayward Padawan.

Mace just stared down the hallway in confusion, wondering if he should follow them or just pretend this had all never happened. He opted for the latter, turning around and going back the way he'd came.

As he walked down the hall, he passed by the room that displayed a plate reading 'Kenobi/Skywalker', and stopped. Crossing his arms, Mace raised an eyebrow as he watched the many small, teeth-ladden tentacles poking out from under the door wave around, searching for something to eat. At least that solved the mystery, though Mace was still pretty sure he'd rather just have not known at all.

Shaking his head he continued down the hall, making a mental note to call in the dangerous creature retrieval team if he didn't hear that Obi-Wan had taken care of everything in a few hours. They wouldn't be pleased at being sent to the same room twice in the same number of weeks, but they would simply have to deal with it. It was just part of the job hazard when there was a Padawan like Anakin Skywalker around.

"Tales from the Temple: Of Jedi and Job Hazards by Amrita Glittersong

(J.T.: I read this short and immediately thought of the Council approving of Anakin's marriage just to get him out of the Temple.)

[J. T./Jessica]

“Carter? Who is the funniest out of Daniel and me?”

Sam sighed. She had all but forgotten how annoying it could get when Jack and Daniel decided to have a verbal tennis match.

“Oh no, I’m not being umpire in your childish games. You’re both…witty in your own ways.”

Mutiny! Jack had a mutiny on his hands. A rebel Jaffa and Major ‘sit on the fence’ there. All conspiring with Fletcher Christian in glasses.

Another Room, by josiris

(Having enjoyed 'Mutiny on the Bounty' when I was younger, though I haven't read it in years, the line about Daniel being "Fletcher Christian in glasses" amuses me...)

[J. T./Jessica]

"You can't call shotgun on being best man!"

Standup Guys, Ragua

[J. T./Jessica]

“Say, Ranma, I found something interesting online last night, and I was wondering if you could verify it for me.” Without preamble, she showed both Akane and Ranma (who had gotten splashed with a cup of cold tea) a printed picture.

It showed three figures: the center one was male, with short brown hair, a casual suit, and glasses. On one side was a black woman wearing a red cocktail dress. On the other side . . .

. . . a familiar redheaded figure had her arm around the male, wearing a black cocktail dress and with her hair and makeup done.

Akane stared at the picture in shock, but Ranma just looked and smirked. “My, I didn’t know they had taken pictures of that; me and Martha cut quite a picture.”

Her bluenette fiancé whipped her head around. “Who?”

“We had to sneak into a party to investigate something, so Martha, the Doctor, and I got dressed up and snuck in. We had to look the part, and redheads in tuxedos just would have stuck out like a sore thumb.”

Akane blinked at that. “Oh . . . that makes sense.”

Nabiki, on the other hand, was nonplussed. “Any particular reason why this picture was taken in London, three and a half weeks ago?”

Ranma shrugged. “Take my habit of running into chaos with Ryoga’s unique ability to wander from Japan to New York in twenty paces, and put them together in one person. That’s the Doctor.” She then stared into her eyes with a serious look. “Please do not try to dig into Martha’s background; she works for a highly secretive branch of the British Government, and they have branches in several other countries, including Japan. You do NOT want to mess with them.”

She then walked into the kitchen, leaving Akane and Nabiki to their surprise.

"Time Traveling Martial Artists" by Cloud Dancer 1014.

(Outside of simply 'He's the Doctor', I think that's probably the most accurate discription of our Gallifreyan friend I've ever heard...)

[J. T./Jessica]

The S.H.I.E.L.D. director allowed his eyes to find a young man climbing up the A-frame as if he were Spiderman.

"What's his name?" he asked, nodding towards the A-frame.

"Kamakura," Hawk answered. The general gave him a knowing look before adding, "You can't have any of my ninjas."

"You don't need three ninjas Abernathy. Four, if Storm Shadow comes back."

"Is S.H.I.E.L.D. that hard up if you're trying to steal my people?" Hawk asked, somewhat irately.

"Nope, just want the best of the best," Nick replied.

"So do I. Get your own damn ninjas."

Silence by Lady Jaye1