Fanfiction Excerpts

[Enigma!]

*Giggles madly.*

[J. T./Jessica]

Yeah, that's a cute fic. BB finds out Raven likes him by reading a review she wrote for a story. Robin and Starfire talk in third person about liking each other, and Cyborg ends up in a shell of dried whipped cream...

[J. T./Jessica]

Me: "Lets sit in the back, so we won't get hit with 'food,' as you call it..."
My Thought: '-thrown by people with your juvenile sense of humor-'
Beastboy: "Ummm-so is it-"
Thought: 'Just go!'
Me: "Yes, you can sit by me. Right next to medonottouchme!"M
My Thought: 'Touch me-hold my hand; sneak your arm around me; grab my...Hey! Cut that shit out! Lust, I am gonna kick your ass!
Lust-Raven: 'You know you want it.'
Happy-Raven: 'Love-isn't it wonderful?'
Despair-Raven: 'He probably won't do anything anyway-he doesn't really like me...'
Hate-Raven: 'Hey-I wanted popcorn!'
Bored-Raven: 'Who picked this 'thrilling' movie?'
Smartass-Raven: 'Ask dumbass, over there...'
Bookworm-Raven: 'It makes perfect sense: we don't want him to-er-touch us-'
Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Yes, we do!'

-----

Me: "Do you want to kiss me, BB? "

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Yesssssssss!'

Beastboy: (In falsetto voice.) "Ummm-yes?"

Thought: 'Oh yeah-that sounded very manly, sheila.'

Me: “Well?”

My Thought: 'But don't you dare grab my-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Scorrrrrre!'

Bookworm: 'Ibelieve that plebian vernacular is generally reserved for the actual consummation of the sexual act...'

Booyah, Happy, Lust, Despair, Hate, Bored, Smartass: 'Shut the hell up!'

Me: "You do know that is not my shoulder, right?"

My Thought: 'Did he really do that-hmmmm? Maybe there's hope for him after all.'

Me: "Well-are you going to kiss me, or are you content with just with just groping my breast?"

----

Me: “Put it in, Beast! Hurry!”

Beast: “I can't! It's too dark-I don't know where it is!”

Me: “Do I have to do everything myself?”

Beast: “You're making me nervous, Rae-just give me a minute, I'll find it...”

Me: “I'm dying, here.”

Beast: “Come on, Rae-I've never even seen yours.”

Me: “Retard! Just feel around...yeah-right there, that's it.”

Beast: “How do I do this?”

Me: “Haven't you ever played with yours in the dark?”

Beast: “Well-yeah...”

(Fumbling in the dark. Subvocalized cursing.)

Beast: “Oh-gross!”

Me: “/sigh/ The other end, genius.”

Beast: “Hey! I think I found it!”

Me: “Fine...just get it in, before I fall asleep, okay?”

Beast: “Fine. Be sarcastic. You should have just done it yourself, if you're in such a hurry!”

Me: “You're right. Sorry, babe, I'll do it myself in a minute-just kiss me, okay?”

My thought: 'Make mestop thinking about that Jackie Gleason line...'

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Beastboy never did manage to get the CD player turned on, but once he started kissing me I forgot all about wanting mood music.

------

Me: “Love me?”

Beast: “Again?”

My thought: 'Why the hell was it you picked him again, 'Love?''

Love-Raven: 'He's cute!'

Lust: 'He can morph different parts of his body...hee hee'

Hate: 'Let's kill dumbshit now. Hold it! Do you think he can do a horse's-?'

Despair: 'I knew this would suck...'

Booyah: 'How bout we kick your ass again, Rosie?'

Happy: 'I like ponies!'

Smartass: 'Forget the green fuzzy dude-let's kill Happy...'

Bored: 'Who cares? I'm sleepy...'

Lust: 'Noooooooooo!'

Happy: 'Hee hee. Where's Dopey? Hee hee...No! Oww! Stop!'

-----

My Thought: 'I don't know about you, but this is getting wayyyy too weird for me. This is not right. We don't act like this. Could my mind reading be causing the others to act irrationally?

I'm going to burn my records. We would be run out of town if anyone saw this.

Wha!...oh, Beast...OH! BEAST!...Ahhhhhhhh! Beeeeeeeeast!...ohhhhhhhhh... .

Happy: 'That is not a pony!'

Lust, Hate: 'Yeah-heh-heh-heh...!'

Reading Minds

(J.T.: There's also a scene in that story where Raven calls him her 'Beast-Toy'.... Oh, and Raven's emotions are funny.)

[Enigma!]

That was rather OOC.

[J. T./Jessica]

Yeah, the story pretty much admits it, at least it provides an excuse. ("This is not right. We don't act like this. Could my mind reading be causing the others to act irrationally?")

I just love Happy's line in that last one, "That is not a pony!" I can't help it, it makes me laugh.

[J. T./Jessica]

His father and mother had met at a bar near where his father’s latest dig had been. After his mother had drunk his father under the table and they got thrown in jail, in the same cell, for drunkenness in public the two fell head over heels for each other. His father had claimed that he’d fallen for the young Colonel right after the hangover wore off and the conversation they’d had while waiting for either his colleagues to come post bail or for her troops to launch an assult on theprison guards had only further convinced the man.

RING

‘Damnit’ he thought. While he’d been lost in the past he had missed the warning bell and was now late.

“So you’re my new aide. Koji, right?” the daycare lady asked. She didn’t even wait for a response. “I’m Mrs. Farr. Your job is to take care of the toddlers. It’s easy you just have to keep them from running off, eating small objects, or having organized warfare with the infants. Can you handle that?”

“Um, I don’t have to change diapers do I?” Koji asked.

“No. Not until later when I teach you how to do it properly.” She point at five children. “Their names are Alice, Cameo, Sakura, Mato, and Yama. They’re the children of some of our younger teachers”.

“Ok. How bad is their organized warfare?” Koji wondered aloud.

“You’ll see,” she said before walking away.

Koji looked down at the five sets of expectant eyes staring at him. “If you’re good for me I’ll teach you how to rage war on the football players and cheerleaders”. They didn’t make a peep all period.


Life Goes On


(J.T.: I loved the parts about "waiting for her troops to launch an assault on the prison guards" and “If you’re good for me I’ll teach you how to rage war on the football players and cheerleaders.” )

[J. T./Jessica]

“Fifty two minutes,” Xavier sighed. “Let’s try a discussion again. There must be something you can talk about. Anything.”

“Okay did anyone see Lost the other night?” Kurt shrugged.

“Let me rephrase that…” Xavier sighed.

“Nah I don’t watch that show,” Todd shook his head. “I mean it’s a total rip off of Gilligain’s Island. It’s practically the same show without the laughtrack!”

“Okay how can Lost and Gilligan’s Island be the same show?” Kurt asked.

“You didn’t really buy that line about the Howells bringing all that stuff for a three hour tour did ya?” Todd gave him a look.

“He has a point there,” Larry remarked. “It’s quite clear they were part of a conspiracy.”

“A conspiracy?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah they Howells staged the whole disappearance so that they could hide out from the government,” Todd told him.

“Why would they do that?” Logan asked. “And why am I asking this question?”

“Tax evasion,” Todd looked at him. “I just thought that was pretty obvious.”

“I have only seen this program a few times and it does explain a few things,” Rina frowned. “The Professor on that show must have been on it as well.”

“That’s just plain nuts,” Kurt looked at her. Rina growled at him. “I mean that in the most sincere way of course…”

“Think about it,” Xi remarked. “A man with the intelligence to build a radio receivers out of coconuts and palm trees can’t figure out how to put together a raft?”

“He had to have been on it yo!” Todd agreed. “Maybe he was running some kind of crazy experiment and got the Howells to back it up or something?”

“That’s right,” Rina agreed. “Perhaps some kind of bizarre breeding experiment? I mean two gorgeous females on that island? And two available males?”

“Do the math people,” Todd nodded.

“Three…” Larry said. “You forgot the Professor.”

“He was running the experiment,” Todd pointed out. “He couldn’t get involved.”

“That never stopped some scientists,” Low Light grumbled.

“The so-called brains of the operation didn’t exactly try very hard to get rescued,” Larry admitted. “I mean to fail every single time.”

“Because of…Gilligan!” Kurt smacked his head. “He must have been on it too! It all makes sense now!”

“It does?” Logan blinked.

“Yeah and for a deserted island quite a lot of weirdoes showed up,” Todd added.

“Okay they weren’t polar bears but still…” Kurt admitted.

Logan looked at Xavier. “You wanted them to talk.”

“Fascinating,” Psyche-Out thought. “The first thing most of you thought of when you think of Gilligain’s Island are conspiracies and experimentation. That does bring up an interesting point of exploration.”

“How their past experiences color their judgements about every aspect of their lives?” Xavier remarked. “That is a good point.”

“Actually I was going for how the real show dealing with conspiracy and experimentation is I Dream of Jeanie,” Psyche-Out corrected. “You wanna talk military cover ups? I could go on for hours about that!”


(What a MESS, Red Witch)

[REBB01]

"Just a moment," said a new voice.

Ranma arched his eyebrow as Setsuna stepped out of a porthole and
glared at the two groups for a moment.

"Hi honey," he said cheerfully.

"You! But...you died!" exclaimed Minako in shock.

"Not quite," said Tsuki with a smirk on her face. The rest of the
senshi turned to look at her for a moment and then back to Pluto
again.

Setsuna frowned at Ranma and turned to face the senshi for a
moment. "You are not ready."

"What?" said Usagi dumbly.

"Mistress Pluto!" gasped Tsuki.

Ranma noticed her back was turned and walked up behind her, he
reached out and found his hand blocked by an invisible field of
energy. The kick me sign he had intended to place on her back stuck in
mid air for a moment before a surge of power incinerated it.

Setsuna ignored him and continued to address the Senshi. "If you
were to fight them now, you would be destroyed."

"Aw, come on. Can't they have just a little bit of peril?" said
Ranma with a mock frown on his face.

"No," growled Setsuna angrily as she turned her head slightly.

"They can take us! I'm sure of it," insisted Ranma.

"No they can't," said Setsuna coldly.

"But, we weren't even gonna kill em. Just rough em up a bit, you
know..."

Setsuna rolled her eyes and turned back towards the senshi again.
"You will withdraw for the moment."

"But..." started Usagi, her eyes suddenly went wide as she noticed
Ranma holding up a sign with the words 'Frigid Bitch' written on it
just behind her.

Minako choked and almost fell forward.

Setsuna turned to glare at him, and he quickly put it behind his
back. All four of the generals were stifling giggles.

"As I said, you are not ready. No arguments," insisted Pluto.

Ranma's new sign had the words: 'She blows goats. I have proof!'

"Um..." said Ami as she pointed at him.

"You must trust me, it's far too soon," said Pluto as she didn't
quite understand what the girl was indicating.

"But he's..."

'Pluto has a dog shaped birthmark just inside her right thigh!'
was the new sign.

"Hey! How does he know about..." muttered Tsuki in shocked horror.
She quickly fell silent as she noticed the rest of the group looking
at her.

"What are you all looking at? Go home," said Pluto firmly.

'Jello fetish! Jello fetish! I've got pictures!'

"But you should really..." said Ami with a heavy blush forming on
her cheeks.

"I won't say it again, this barrier won't hold them off for long,"
said Pluto calmly.

The generals were trying their best not to laugh; all of them
suddenly fell silent as Setsuna turned towards them again. Ranma was
whistling with the sign hidden behind his back.

"As for you. Give me those signs," said Pluto with a scowl on her
face.

Ranma blinked and swallowed. "Um...heh..." He handed them too her
and she raised the time staff into the air.

"Dead Scream."

All four generals were blasted back by the force of the attack;
Ranma took it directly and was thrown about thirty yards into the
street. A forcefield of some kind erected around his body and he was
protected from the brunt of the blast. "Ouch."

"You won't be laughing for very long. Go tell your mistress that I
won't allow her to succeed," snapped Pluto sharply.

"Huh?" muttered Ranma in confusion. "What mistress?"

"You think I don't know you're working for Beryl and Metallia?"
said the woman as she narrowed her eyes at the group.

"Naw, they quit that job. They work for me now!" said Ranma
cheerfully as he waved the comment off.

"The passage of thousands of years, and infinite darkness in your
soul, and you still act like a child Genaku. You disgust me," said
Pluto coldly.

"Can't we just kick Endimyon's child molesting ass? Come on, give
us something!" said Ranma as he dusted off his jacket sleeves and
pouted at her.

"Hey! I heard that!" said Tuxedo Mask as he whirled around and
growled at the group.

"What are you gonna do about it you weenie?" said Ranma as he
stuck his tongue out at the man.

Mamoru growled and started to step forward.

"Hmmm, lets see. Credits to yen conversion...five hundred...plus
interest...you owe me...Sixty Billion Yen," said Zocite as he worked
on his calculator and glanced up at the man for a moment.

"What?! That's outrageous!" snapped Tuxedo Mask.

"Well, you have accrued thousands of years worth of interest after
all," replied the general with a small shrug. "If you can't pay it,
I'm sure we can find another way for you to work it off." He gave the
man a dark smile and crossed his arms over his chest.

Usagi appeared at his side and pulled at his arm. "Come on! Just
forget about them for now!"

"That can be arranged," commented Ranma with a rough sounding
snort.

"You stay away from them," snapped Pluto angrily.

"Or you'll what?" said Ranma coldly.

"I am the Senshi of Time! I could erase your very existence!" she
said angrily.

"They why haven't you?" said Ranma with a smirk forming on his
face.

The woman growled at him and clenched her fists.

"Come now Setsuna, you know better than to try and bluff me," said
the boy casually. "You're as helpless against me as they are. I've got
other things to worry about. Besides, I know who they are and where
they live. I could have eliminated them anytime I felt like it."

"Then why haven't you?" countered Pluto coldly.

"Where would be the fun in that?" said Ranma with a small chuckle.

She turned away from him and entered the porthole. "Tsuki. We are
leaving!"

"R-right!" said the girl as she jumped from her hiding place
behind a nearby car and followed her mistress.

A moment later, the barrier fell.

"To the bar!" announced Ranma cheerfully as he started to walk
away.

The four generals looked at one another and shrugged their
shoulders.

"You know, being reborn hasn't changed him much," commented
Jadeite.




Insertion
Carrotglace

[J. T./Jessica]

Naruto tuned Iruka out as he went into some speech on Konoha or something until the team assignments came up. Naruto tuned most of them out, until.

“Team 7, Sasuke Uchiha…”

Naruto knew that at this point, a good number of girls in the room were probably calling Satan to sell their souls.

“Sakura Haruno…

Apparently Sakura was the first one to reach the Prince of Darkness



Naruto no Kyuubi, Anthurak The Chaos Lord

[J. T./Jessica]

Rogue stumbled as a light brown cat suddenly darted in front of her, meowing.

Ranma froze as he heard a the cry of a demon, gripping the side the edge of the door tightly and shutting his eyes tightly. If he couldn't see it, it didn't exist, if he couldn't see it, it didn't exist...

"Shoo!" Rogue shouted after the fleeing feline as it leaped into the bushes and out of sight. Opening the door and hopping into Ranma's lap, she added, "Ah hate cats," shooting the bushes a final glare.

Ranma opened his eyes, reaching out and cupping Rogue's cheek turning her head to face his. "That," he said, taking off her sunglasses and staring into her eyes, "Was possibly the sexiest thing I have ever heard anyone say..."

Rogue raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer. "Ah hate cats." she repeated, smiling slyly.

Ranma shuddered, biting his lip as he wrapped an arm around the girl's waist, pulling her in closer. "Again..." he whispered.

"Ah," Rogue said, leaning in and brushing her lips against his as she spoke. "Hate. Cats."


Evolution One Half, Shudder.

(Ranma/X-Evo crossover with a Ranma/Rogue pairing)

[J. T./Jessica]

As Sirius, Harry, and Hermione made their way through the train, Padfoot got a lot of stares. When he’d notice the students, he smiled broadly and said, “Hi, I’m your new defense professor, Sirius Black. I understand that the Dementors were in here searching for me last year. They were early.” It was easy to tell who had and who had not read the news that Black was innocent based off of the reactions. Fortunately, every compartment they passed seemed to have at least one person to explain that to the others. Because of Sirius’ presence, very few people noticed Harry and Hermione holding hands.

A Sirius Matter, witowsmp.

[J. T./Jessica]

Harry woke up late in the night – or was it early in the morning. It was dark and quiet in the house, except for the extremely loud snoring coming from Ron’s bed. If they were at Hogwarts he would simply charm his curtains for silence. He sighed and let his thoughts wander.

He sat bolt upright with a sudden revelation. If he could talk telepathically with the elves and apparate to their location, then he now had a sure-fire way to know where Voldemort was at any given time! Wards wouldn’t matter, location was unimportant!

Harry lay back down with a wicked grin. Time to bug old Tom. He closed his eyes, and felt the connection with the evil wizard they shared through his scar. There it was – he was now looking through Riddle’s eyes, hearing his thoughts, and thanks to his goblin skills, Voldemort was completely unaware he was being spied on.

“You found where Potter’s family use to live, but they moved? BAH! CRUCIO!” Wormtail was hit with the Cruciatus curse, and twitched, screaming, on the floor. “Curse that Dumbledore – he somehow learned we found them, and moved them. They are probably out of the country by now.”

Harry saw it – a blood red thread leading to the evil wizard. He followed it with a grin and popped into Voldemort’s throne room, facing him with his arms crossed, a cheeky smile on his face. The room was empty except for Voldemort and the still twitching Wormtail on the floor. Harry flipped the stunned wizard a rather rude finger gesture and apparated to the kitchen at Hogwarts, and then back to Grimmauld Place, in his bed.

He laced his fingers in back of his head, lying on his back with a contented grin. If there was any chance Voldemort had the power to trace him, it would just lead him to Hogwarts, which Tom did not have the ability to apparate to. He opened the ‘spy link” to Voldemort’s thoughts, and spent the next hour biting back giggles and laughter, as he listened in to the panic he caused by his little appearance.

Harry Potter and the Manipulator of Destiny, Wheezy1.

(My Response: "Another student learns the sacred combat tactic of pissing off your opponent something awful."

WARNING: Dumbledore, Ron and Ginny fans SHOULD NOT READ!)

[J. T./Jessica]

It was already noon when they got back to common room. Ron was playing Exploding Snap with Ginny.

When Harry and Hermione reached him, he looked up and said, "Where have you been all morning? We've looked everywhere for you!"

"Sorry Ron, we've been in the Room of Requirement, catching up on some...lessons." Harry and Hermione exchanged looks. Ron and Ginny didn't notice. Ginny stood up slowly, walking over to Harry.

"So...Harry," Ginny said seductively. "Wanna go up to your dormitory?" she wiggled her hips suggestively. Ron looked horrified. Hermione looked disgusted.

"I told you Ginny, I'm not interested!" Harry said. Her expression sharpened.

"You'll change your mind sometime," Ginny said, turning to walk away.

Harry blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Only when you lower your price!" he shouted after her. Ginny gave him a death glare, before walking over to a crowd of boys. Hermione suppressed a giggle, but froze when she saw Ron's face. Harry looked down at Ron too.

Lessons, ilovesoccer13

(My response: I haven't seen a burn like this that didn't involve a flamethrower - or a lighter and a can of hairspray - in a while... I LIKE IT.)

[J. T./Jessica]

During class with Snape, I suddenly felt my mind being attacked. That sneaky bastard wanted to play, then he’ll play on my rules. I let him slip in, but all he could see or hear was what my physical senses told me. Unless I said something, he had no more clues as to what I was thinking than anyone else. When the bell rang, I sent a simple message.

‘We’re sorry, the mind you are trying to reach is unavailable to you. Please try again so it can kick your arse.’

“What are you laughing at?”

I looked at Ron with a smirk, “just a really lame joke. Nothing important.”

Future Imperfect, Blood-Foxs-Revenge.

My response: *Muttly laugh*

[J. T./Jessica]

They found a compartment together and sat down, beginning to chat. “What do you think it’ll be like, Harry?”

“Probably just like in Hogwarts a History, ‘Mione,” he said, teasing. She laughed and punched him in the arm.

“Oh, shut it you!” And thus the great World War III of Tickles began. It was, a moment later, interrupted by a boy with olive brown sking and bright blue eyes. “Er, hello,” Hermione said. “Who are you?”

“Blaise Zabini,” he mumbled. “I was hoping this one is empty, seeing as everyone wants to kick me out…” Seeming to realize he was speaking aloud, he added “Damn it all,” to the end.

Harry turned to Hermione with a raised eyebrow, and she inclined her head slightly. “You want to sit with us, Blaise Zabini?” It was the other boy’s turn for wide eyes.

“Er… sure. Thanks.” He lifted his trunk onto the shelf in the compartment and sat down. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Hermione spoke. “I’m Hermione Granger, by the way.” She and Blaise shook hands, and he turned to look at Harry.

“Harry Black-Potter,” he said by way of introduction, shaking Blaise’s hand. “Technically Black-DeLaney-Potter after my godparents got married, but it’s a bit of a mouthful.” Blaise’s eyes were wide, and Harry snorted. “Oh please don’t give me the ‘I-am-in-shock-because-holy-crap-it’s-the-grand-Harry-Potter-and-he’s-talking-to-me’ introduction. It’s even worse than the ‘it’s-Harry-Potter-must-stammer-and-stutter-and-shake-hand-as-much-as-possible-before-he-disappears’ one, really.”

Hermione chuckled. “Oh Harry, back to the hyphens, are we?”

“But hyphens are so much fuuuun!” he whined. “If ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-For-Fear-Of-Cracking-Up-Laughing-At-The-Sheer-Stupidity-Of-His-Choice-Of-Name’ gets to do it, why can’t I?”

Averto Vicis, Lady Smoothie