Beginning Heroes List

[J. T./Jessica]

A good-guy counterpart to the Evil Overlord List, I figured it was about time...

1. When fighting a monster that can take the form of anything you think of, DO NOT THINK OF HOW THIS IS LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS".

[Enigma!]

2. Keep reminding yourself, "The sexier the woman, the more likely it is that she's evil."

3. Also remember that the opposite of #2 is true. (The uglier a woman is, the more likely it is that she's evil.)

4. In fact, unless you've known her all her life, avoid women altogether.

[J. T./Jessica]

5. The more clumsy and inexperienced the sidekick, the greater the likelihood that they'll save your life at some point.

6. Conversely, the more skilled and experienced the sidekick, the more likely it is that they'll get injured or killed.

[J. T./Jessica]

7. While music playing when charging into battle is good - it can have a psychological effect on the forces of the Evil Overlord you're fighting - some music should be listed as no-goes. Especially certain cartoon themes ("Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh" and "Gummi Bears" lead the list)

[J. T./Jessica]

8. As strange as it sounds, having to spend nights alone is a GOOD thing;
If a female member of your party is flirting with you or throwing herself at you, that's BAD, she WILL betray you (Erisi from the "X-Wing" books; Marya from "Hogan's Heroes"; Shampoo, Kodachi and Ukyo from "Ranma 1/2")
If you are flirting with a female party member and she shoots you down or there is unresolved sexual tension, that's GOOD, she'll remain on YOUR side (Mirax from "X-Wing", Akane from "Ranma", just about every female Ranger in the past ten years)

Admittedly, there are some exceptions to this rule.

[Enigma!]

9. The more silly/unconventional/pointless the old guy's training methods seem, the stronger you will become by following them. So stick with them.

[J. T./Jessica]

10. Get used to your phobias - you will encounter them on a regular basis. (Indiana Jones, Ranma Saotome, etc.)

[Enigma!]

11. Do not kill your rival if he or she doesn't work for your enemy. Odd are he'll save your ass (so that he can kill/embarrass/prove he's better than you before your enemy does).

[J. T./Jessica]

11A. If, however, your rival is a power-obsessed fanatic with no hope of redemption who does not YET work for your enemy, kill him before he does. (Otherwise known as the Sasuke Uchiha Law... and kill the damn Village Council, too, for pandering to him for so damn long that he's DEVELOPED that damn sense of entitlement to anything he wants.)

[Enigma!]

12. If you have an animal/robot sidekick, the odds are that it is FIFTY TIMES SMARTER THAN YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR GROUP. COMBINED. If you want to live to fight the main villian, do not treat it badly or ignore it when it tries to tell you something. (See R2-D2)

[J. T./Jessica]

12. Always keep in mind that you can carry on a conversation in the middle of a fight and NO ONE will get hurt during it.

[BloodAngel]

12a. You can also get married in the same fight with the same results.

[J. T./Jessica]

(You mean one of those cases where the officiator, bride and groom, ring-bearer, and sometime best man are just standing there while hell wars around them? Yeah, I forgot about those...)

13. Even the most untrustworthy and traitorous of party members will redeem themselves in the face of death.

(Let's just say I learned something about the Dark Ranger that explains part of why he starts to slowly change to our side...)

[BloodAngel]

(Well, more like the Will/Elizabeth wedding in PotC III. Barbossa officiating while the three of them are stabbing cursed sailors while Will and Liz say their I Dos)

[J. T./Jessica]

(...Never seen it.)

14. Any good and law-abiding party will always include at least one member who is a thief, assassin, mercenary or other chaotic and/or evil person.