Evil Overlord List (Literati Club Edition)

[J. T./Jessica]

54. I will not decide that if one of my minions can pass one little test I will marry him off to my daughter and declare him my heir. Minions that are chosen for that have an annoying habit of becoming the hero sworn to defeat me. (see Batman Begins, especially the novelization.)

[J. T./Jessica]

55. I will make certain that my information on the hero or heroes is completely up-to-date and accurate before launching any plans. Too many Evil Overlords have their plans fail because the heroes had some new ability that wasn't accounted for.

[J. T./Jessica]

56. I will have a good personal health plan. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do an intimidating/awe-inspiring evil voice with a sore throat?

[J. T./Jessica]

57. I will not cause anyone not actively involved in attempts to overthrow me to 'disappear', this usually starts problems and ends up turning those not attempting to overthrow me into those who are.

58. Instead of having my minions of evil steal the one thing I am looking for to complete my evil plan, I will send them out to steal something entirely different (KFC's original recipe, for instance) and quietly purchase what I need over the internet or bribe/brainwash someone who already has access to it to bring it to me.

59. Before permitting anyone to join my forces, I will first make sure they have no attractions of any sort to any of the heroes or their forces that might hinder them in their duties. If any such attraction is found, I will summarily execute them.

60. If one of my minions betrays me, I will not set up an over-elaborate plot to keep the hero and their party distracted from the next stage of my plan and at the same time have them dispose of my traitorous underling, I'll kill them myself.

[J. T./Jessica]

61. Before attempting to form any evil plans of world domination, I will review the fail plans of defeated Evil Overlords who came before me. Only a fool would make the same mistake again...

[Enigma!]

62. Any fellow Evil Overlords who come to me asking to form an alliance for any reason will be shot, and I will take over their land, and I will hang his corpse on a stick at the border of what was once his territory as a warning to his enemies - "I did that to him, I WILL do it to you.."

63. Then I'll do that to his enemies, just as a precaution.

[J. T./Jessica]

64. If an artifact of power can only be used in a certain situation (I.E. the protection of humans), then I will first check and see if that kind of situation is in line with my goals before attempting to use it recklessly. If it's not, I'll attempt to find some other artifact of power that is.

[J. T./Jessica]

65. If, as an Evil Overlord, I choose to get married, I will not marry someone that I have to keep the fact that I'm an Evil Overlord secret from. This never turns out well. In fact, this usually turns out with them turning against the Evil Overlord.

[J. T./Jessica]

66. Before proclaiming my rise as an Evil Overlord I will first review all ancient legends and prophecies and take appropriate action or lack of action as the case may require.

[J. T./Jessica]

67. If I am masquerading as a teacher or some other form of mentor, I will be wary of sending my 'students' out into the 'real world' because there's 'nothing I can teach them'. Students that's done to have an annoying habit of becoming the hero out to defeat me.

68. I will not summarily execute anyone who disrupts my meditations (or equivilent). Obviously, if they think it's important enough to do so, it's important enough to require my attention. If, however, it turns out that it was NOT that important, they will then be executed in a full gathering of my Legions of Terror as a warning.

69. Having holograms and robotic duplicates to take my place in dangerous situations is always a plus.

[J. T./Jessica]

70. I will dress simply. NO ONE is going to believe that the person in jeans and a t-shirt is out to rule the world. Conversely, my least important adviser or lieutenant will be given a long title, an unimportant job, and a fancy outfit so that the heroes will attempt to kill THEM.

[Enigma!]

71. If my enemies have the ability to transform into a more powerful form, I will shoot them, repeatedly, while they are in mid-transformation. That's when they are at their most vulnerable.

[J. T./Jessica]

72. If I manage to capture the hero's power source, it will immediately join my own power source and my greatest weakness in my safety deposit box if I, for some strange reason, should choose not do destroy it immediately or am unable to destroy it. It will not be hung arond my neck as a medallion and displaying it prominantly on a pedestal is not even up for consideration.

[J. T./Jessica]

73. Sentries, like patrols, will always consist of more than one member of my Legions of Terror. This is to prevent the hero from knocking out a sentry and taking their place.

74. My guards will be trained not to respond to taunts by running after the taunter and abandoning their post. Instead, they will be trained to remain at their post and radio a patrol to go after the impudent fool who dares insult my Legions of Terror.

[J. T./Jessica]

75. My fortress will have two security systems, in fact, make that THREE security systems so that even if the heroes manage to disable the primary system, and even the secondary system, the tertiary system will still be active.

76. Furthermore, each security system will have a seperate control room.

77. ALL rooms in my fortress will be included in the three security systems, from the cells in my dungeon, to the power room, even to the security rooms themselves. My own personal chambers are the only rooms exempt from this rule. (Note to self, make sure that any member of my Legions of Terror on security watch understand that the penalty for spying on members of the opposite sex is death.)