[PRL] Ranger Mail

[J. T./Jessica]

Short version, occasionally I have thoughts of emails being exchanged between the different Rangers - examples being the whole Orange Ranger Tommy thing a while back, or the more recent RvB/Storm Blaster one - and while there's no particular order or rhyme and reason to them, and they can't be posted to FF.Net, I thought it a shame not to share them...

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Warning.

Body:
Being a smart-ass and prankster myself, I understand that Stultus Aprilus must be given it's proper tribute. However, I would like to make the following statements;
1. Whoever copied and pasted that picture of Jessica's head to Ayumi Sakurai's body, said Green Literati Ranger is in possession of my Power Weapon and has plans to seperate the culprit from a valued part of their anatomy.
2. I understand that the Phantom Shitter is a tradition going back decades, but we're not idiots. For someone to hit a target at that range it would have to be one of us who pilots an aerial Zord and your days are numbered - Justin's got a Ragnarok.
3. To the person who put novacaine in the vasaline in Amanda and Daniel's apartment... While amusing as hell, the resulting sexual frustration fueled rampage was quite painful for those of us on the same team as her. Next time just saw the slats or shortsheet the bed, dammit!
4. And to whatever sick son of a bitch switched my Foster's with Yankee-piss-water; you will know pain, you will know fear, and then by God I will make you wish I would kill you.

J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger
"Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I AM the baddest mother in the Valley."

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
CC: [e-mail], [e-mail], [e-mail]
Subject: Silver Guardians Training

Body: J.T.
Just wanted to say thanks for covering for me and Eric with the new recruits last week, Jen and Taylor also send their thanks. Although... Between you, Danny, Adam and Will, I think they'll be terrified of Black Rangers for the rest of their lives. Whatever possessed you to use the Dirty Harry movies as training videos? And then making them strip naked and try to avoid you while you tried to shoot them with paintballs? I don't know whether to congratulate you for making them utterly immune to anything strange happening or to kill you for the way you did it.

Wes.

[BloodAngel]

Jun 19, 2008 14:57:45 GMT -5 J. T./Jessica said:

3. To the person who put novacaine in the vasaline in Amanda and Daniel's apartment... While amusing as hell, the resulting sexual frustration fueled rampage was quite painful for those of us on the same team as her. Next time just saw the slats or shortsheet the bed, dammit!

...I certainly hope we'd have better lube than vasaline.

And yes, that is all I have to say.

[J. T./Jessica]

Eh, it came from an old joke....

**==

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Jack...

Body:
Ancient Sumarian statue, private collection (In other words, a bunch of stolen paintings and artifacts that we might... liberate... in addition the statue we've been hired to go after), believed to be the prison of a demon.

Want in?

Will Aton
Founder, Search Guard Successor.
Black Ranger, Operation Overdrive

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Hell-frickin'-yeah.

Body:
When and where so I can be there with hat on.

...And on side note, where did 'Seach Guard Successor' come from, anyway?

J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger
"Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I AM the baddest mother in the Valley."

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Hell-frickin'-yeah.

Body:
Not gonna say, wouldn't be smart.
As for where and when, Scenic City Airport, eleven Sat. A.M., usual hanger.

And leave the hat.

Will Aton
Founder, Search Guard Successor.
Black Ranger, Operation Overdrive

[J. T./Jessica]

Based somewhat on real life...

**==


From [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Prices

Body: Hey, Wes;
Did you hear that J.T.'s raised his prices for babysitting? Any idea why?

Danny.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Prices

Body: Danny;
I did. I understand Amanda told Jen that he had to watch his five-year-old cousin this past weekend and that he normally does this for a few weeks after he has to do that.

Wes.

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Add.; Re: Scenic Command Center Rules.

Body:

44. Zordon is not Dumbledore.
44-1. Zordon is also not Gandolf.
44-2. Boys... and girls... you're scaring the older Rangers.

45. Stop reprogramming Alpha 4's voice module to match the droid from the Knights of the Republic game.
45-1. I don't like being called a 'meatbag' all the time.

Jessica.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
CC: [e-mail]
Subject: Alpha.

Body:
It's 'Knights of the Old Republic'.

Gibb.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
CC: [e-mail]
Subject: The Big Giant Head.

Body:
Mo leannan... Scaring, annoying and basically making the lives of Grandpa and his compadres a living nightmare is part of my job as his clone's descendant. Besides, our Unholy Partners in Plotting thought it was funny as hell.

'Johnnie'
J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger
"Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I AM the baddest mother in the Valley."

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: John T. Magnus...

Body:
Johnnie, it's honestly reached the point where I put Jason, Trini and Zack in with you and Amanda - and your assorted co-conspirators - when it comes to matters like pranks. They're as bad as you are, almost, and if things continue like they're going I'd even be forced to say that you're corrupting them.

Jessica.

----

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Kella...

Body:
Beautiful, you know me better than that - I would NEVER try to corrupt my elders.

Johnnie.

----

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Corruption

Body:
I do know you better than that, yes... You'd succeed.

Jessica

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Corruption

Body:
*Smiles and shrugs*
Well I WAS always taught that if you're gonna do something you should do it right.

Johnnie.

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Seven Minutes

Body:
[e-mail] wrote:
| Maybe we should just lock them in a closet - it works in the books

Sorry, guys, don't think it'll work in this case (though I wouldn't mind a list of those books, J.T.) - we'd have to get all of his morphers away from him to keep him from just morphing and breaking out, take away his communicator so he couldn't teleport away, and even then he's got that invisibility power now so he could just sneak out if they're in there so long we have to open the door to feed them.

Jason Lee Scott.

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To:: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Lunatics.

Body:
Honestly, Anton, it's not the fact that he's gotten my old teammates to help him - Jason and Trini have been saying it for years anyway - or your son and his team, but it's more the fact that I've met his girlfriend. She's as bad as he is. Last time I went to meet with Billy and Daniel about the Global Teleportal Network project, I overheard her saying something about closets not working and that they should lock Kimberly and I in a library to see if it was a family trait or not.

And I'll add that the Yellow one yelled at me - again. I understand Trini's actually dubbed Amanda her 'heir and successor'. I tried to talk to Jason about it and he laughed. He laughed. They're out to get me and his wife is one of the main conspirators and he's LAUGHING about it...

----

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Tommy

Body:
J.T.;
You're driving Tommy to a paranoid breakdown. Would you have any problems backing off for about three months so he can finish a dig in Nevada for me first?

And what's this I hear about a library?

Anton Mercer.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: The Whining Idiot

Body:
Oh, alright. But you'll owe me for this.
And to answer the question I notice you DIDN'T ask, yes, it IS intentional - after all, before you can rebuild something you often have to tear down the damaged parts.

Mm, and the library thing is because Jessica and I met in the school library, admitted our feelings for each other in the school library, even shared our first kiss in the school library. Thus, she had the idea of locking His Obliviousness and Her Royal Screwupishness in a library to see if it was just she and I or if it was something I had inherited.

J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger
"Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I AM the baddest mother in the Valley."

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Tommy

Body:
J.T.;
I see. Feel free to use the library in my mansion if you decide to follow through with that plan. Also... The wine cellar is in the basement and is the room at the end of the hall down the right if it is needed.

Anton Mercer.

[J. T./Jessica]

This set is about a subject near-and-not-so-dear to Amanda's heart...

**==

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Exc: [e-mail], DesertPhoenix.SCC.powernet.sec
Subject: "Brand New Man" Alert!

Body: It's playing on the store's sound system, guys! Enter the back room at your own risk - I think I saw a container of body lotion...

Da Zack Man.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Alert

Body: Could you not have given the alert several minutes earlier? What I have just seen is something I sincerely wish I had not...

Avani.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: "Brand New Man" Alert!

Body: A little too late, Zack, I think I'm going to have nightmares - and they won't involve Avani's Spiritzord.

Gibb.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail], [e-mail]
Subject: Wait a minute...

Body: Just WHY were you two going in the back together anyway?

Da Zack Man

[J. T./Jessica]

From: Tigerclaw@[e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: The Boys.

Body:
What do we see in them? Honestly?

I got home last night to find my husband, Amanda's husband and yours' and Kira's fiancees all leaning over a map and plotting. As soon as they saw me J.T. muttered something about "Mischief Managed" and rolled the map up.

What are they up to? or do I not want to know?

Trini Scott.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: The Boys.

Body:
Yes, they're idiots, but I've said before that at least they're our idiots.

As to what they're plotting (because we both know they're always plotting something, even if we don't always know what) - I can't really say, all I know is that J.T.'s been reading a lot of Harry Potter fanfics online lately.

Jessica.

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail], [e-mail], [e-mail]
Subject: Elizabeth Delgado and Schyler Tate-Collins

Body:
I didn't care to mention it in front of the gaki themselves, but I'd just like to say the following...
I have no regard for the 'sanctity of human life'. I take pleasure in mayhem and destruction. I pilot a twenty-story-tall robotic dragon to fight giant monsters on a near-weekly basis with little care for the resulting collateral damage to the city in I live...

And yet, with all of this, after this past weekend, I fear the devastation that will result when Those Two get old enough to experience actual sexual tension and not just pre-school age teasing!

J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger (and semi-official Babysitter to Power Rangers Everywhere)

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: I know you're behind it.

Body:
I don't understand the reference, and I don't know how you managed to convince not only the Dino Rangers and Hayley, but also the majority of my co-workers and students to go along with it, but I KNOW you're behind everyone calling me "Ron Stoppable" lately.

----

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Modern Cartoon Culture

Body: Mm.

Ron Stoppable, character on Disney Channel cartoon "Kim Possible", sidekick and (by the end of the second movie and in subsequent seasons) boyfriend of one Kimberly Ann Possible - high school student and gymnast that spends half her time saving the world and dragging Ron along with her.

You're supposed to have a Doctorate - think about it, Grandpa.

J.T. Magnus
Black Literati Dragon Ranger
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." -- Agatha Christie

----

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Don't call me 'Grandpa'.

Body:
Kimberly Ann? I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being. What? Will you teach your children from birth to torment me like you do, you vicious newt with wings?

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Okay, Grandpa.

Body:
Hadn't thought about it, but now that you mention it - sounds like a good idea.
Mm, wait. My.... something like twenty-five-times-great-grandson, Trini and Jason's twenty-five-times-great-granddaughter, and even Amanda and Daniel's adopted son's twenty-five-times-great-descendant are involved in our attempts to help you see past your own stupidity (which is proof of fact that stupidity is infinate), so yeah, you can expect it for the rest of your life (natural or otherwise) or until you just admit that you still love her - whichever comes first.

Sincerely,
The Vicious Newt-with-Wings

P.S.: Hyperbole weakens an argument, Grandpa.

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Dumb Dragon.

Body: He's late for work - where is he?

Amanda.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Re: Dumb Dragon.

Body: Sorry, Amanda, I meant to tell you; he'll be late today, he's supposed to help Carol with something at her garage.

Da Zack Man

---

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Re: Offsides

Body: Not helping me, mate. Jessie told me last night they were heading west to help Mack and Rose out on something.

Carol Parker

----

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Re: Offsides

Body: First I've heard of it.

Mack

---

From: [e-mail]
To: All
Subject: Re: Offsides

Body:
What do you MEAN they've BOTH disappeared?

DUMB DRAGON!

Amanda.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Weekend

Body:
Should we tell them?

Kella.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Weekend.

Body:
Bugger that. I call it Karmatic Retribution for all those times WE'VE had to cover for someone who didn't show up with no warning.

Johnnie.
"I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accellarated rate."

[J. T./Jessica]

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Literati Black

Body:
Wes,
Just saw him coming down the hall on my way out, stalking, need backup or is it four?
Eric

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Black

Body:
It's a four, Eric. I asked him to help train this latest batch of Silver Guardian recruits, so he's putting on the DI hardass-hat.

Wes.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Re: Black

Body:
Wes,
He's putting on an asshat?
Seriously, Wes, remember what happened last time?
Eric.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Black

Body:
'Asshat'... I needed that. Yes, I remember - that's WHY I asked him here this time. I've reached the conclusion that if he can't kill them, drive them off, or break them, then nothing will.

I have told him that paintballs and Dirty Harry are forbidden this time, though. I'm not THAT crazy.

Wes.

---

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Black

Body:
Wes,
Even though you still show the security camera videos from that day on team movie nights?
Eric.